The following are simply my own musings. I’m not judging, or even attempting to call out, those who engage in the activity with which I'm struggling. Not yet, anyway.
Lately I have been seeing a lot of, “If you believe X delete me now” posts on social media. I am torn by this idea. I have deleted some folks who are particularly extreme on certain issues, like people I think would somehow find a way to defend genocide. But is it realistic or even desirable to only interact with those who share my views and values? While it is important to me that my partner and closest friends share my core values, I will always have to interact with and share spaces with those who do not share all of my beliefs or values. That doesn’t mean, however, that we cannot find common ground, or that I shouldn’t engage with them.
That being said, I am incredibly frustrated by the fact that I feel as if I am having to teach and/or debate things like basic human decency and compassion with grown ass adults. These conversations are frustrating AF and incredibly draining, but perhaps they are worth it if even one person begins to think about the world differently. Most days it doesn’t feel like that will ever happen; statistically I know it’s unlikely these conversations will get anywhere...but maybe they will. If I didn’t have some faith that people can change and grow then I would be even more depressed and anxious than I already am.
I also imagine it’s much easier for me to endure the frustration and seeming disregard for humanity from my place of privilege in this world. For me that privilege necessitates tolerating this kind of thing, though. I can only imagine how scared, overwhelmed, exhausted and so many more feelings the disenfranchised feel as these conversations happen around them -- often as if they aren’t even there, aren’t even human. I feel obligated to let them know they aren’t alone. That others value them simply because they’re human beings.
However, at what point to do I give up hope for people? How long do we endure the headache and pain of people being assholes? At what point do I delete those assholes or otherwise excommunicate them from my life? I’m still trying to figure that out. People of color, the LGBT community, immigrants, etc. cannot turn this off or shut it out in the way that those of us with privilege can, so is it fair for me to just give up, stop trying to change hearts and minds? I don’t think it’s fair or right for me to do that. I also doesn’t believe that means people of privilege can’t take a “break” or create a space for self-care. We can, and we should, but we also need to be conscious of how and when we take that time and space.
As far as changing hearts and minds, I know for damn sure social media is so unlikely to have an impact. However, social media is how so many people connect, both formally and informally. It allows us to maintain some type of contact with folks with whom we may not otherwise regularly engage. But do I want to be connected, formally or informally, with people who believe it’s okay to put kids in cages because their caregivers (likely parents…) didn’t show up with the correct documentation while literally fleeing for their lives? Or people who believe that all poor folks are just lazy and/or need to work harder? From a passionate and emotional place my answer is, “Hell no. I have no desire or need to connect with people like that.” But then I am reminded of the fact that one view doesn’t make an entire person, even if that one view makes me physically ill and emotionally exhausted. I truly do not know where to draw the line on keeping these folks in my life in any way, shape, or form, and I will likely struggle with it for a long time. I imagine the answer is different for each one of us. While I do not want to be associated with assholes and bigots who may or may not be my Facebook friends, I do want to keep the door open for the potential ‘big’ conversations. I want to show people the kindness and understanding they seem incapable of showing to those who are different from them. I hope to challenge them to be more kind, open-minded, and loving. For now I will also continue to hope against hope that our society can be better.
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